Hotel No-tell will be offering an introductory course in drunk-dialling, CEO Walt Blackman announced this morning.
“Drunk-dialling 101 will cover all the basics of drunk-dialling from diffusing the situation when a respondent gets angry, as well as drunk-dialling protocol, including what to actually say on the phone,” Blackman announced to a stunned press corp.
Highlights of the course include:
The proper time to initiate profanity into the conversation.
Drunk-dialling using blocked numbers.
Drunk-dialling with pre-recorded messages.
An intro to drunk-texting.
Drunk-dialling catch phrases that work every time.
Drunk-dialling when you’re too wasted to talk.
Drunk-dialling while passed out.
The use of the speaker phone during drunk-dialling.
Drunk-teleconferencing.
Speed drunk-dialling.
Drunk-dialling multiple recipients simultaneously ( some overlap with drunk teleconferencing).
Why drunk-dialling is an important element of a functioning society.
Reaching a higher level of consciousness through drunk-dialling.
Love your enemies. Drunk-dial them.
Bringing about positive social change through drunk-dialling.
Drunk-dial your way to happiness and inner peace.
How to reach your financial goals through drunk-dialling.
Shed those unwanted pounds through drunk-dialling.
How to find your soul-mate through drunk-dialling.
“I will be drunk-dialling invitations out this evening,” Blackman said. “So don’t be too surprised if you receive an invitation from a loud and slurry voice around three in the morning.”
“Remember be sure to show up completely wasted. And bring a list of friends, clients, bosses, and family whom you wish to drunk-dial.”
“Everyone is fair game, ” Blackman said, adding, “happy hour pricing runs all night long.”
“Drunk-dialling is not only a productive hobby, it is also an excellent way to relax and entertain yourself and your friends in the evening. It’s harmless fun for the whole family, good for your health, and an excellent way to realize your potential in life,” he said.
According to Blackman, “It’s not important to remember what you say to the respondent, as long as you make the call and say something. Otherwise it’s not drunk-dialling.”
“Higher marks will be awarded to those who manage the most drunk-dialling calls, and students will also be rewarded for completely blacking out while drunk-dialling,” Blackman said.
“This course is a pre-requisite to Intermediate and Advanced Drunk-dialling, so make sure you show up,” Blackman explained.