PEI–In an unprecedented development, thousands of drunk-dialers across the country are calling people everywhere and at all hours of the night.
“This is no joke,” PhD Drunk-Dialer Walt Blackman told throngs of reporters gathered outside the Drunk-Dialing Academy of Higher Learning (DDAHL) in downtown Montague late last night. “Clearly these callers are searching for a higher level of consciousness. And they know it can be obtained through proper drunk-dialing.”
“I was still getting dozens of calls at five in the morning last night,” Blackman said. We’re talking about a diligent group of hard-working people here. This trend is moving faster than a viral tweet.”
According to Blackman, the volume of calls, which started about two weeks ago, has been rapidly increasing. “Now, our phones have gotten so busy I’ve hired six new switchboard operators who are working around the clock trying to answer and even make sense of them,” he said.
He said the increase in calls is due to two things; one, a recent surge of new applicants for the ever-popular Drunk-Dialing 101 course which has been around so long it even pre-dates Christ. Two, the increase has a lot to do with the Labour Day Long Weekend. “People are anxious to start drunk-dialing whenever a long weekend comes up,” Blackman said, slurring his speech slightly. “I expect literally thousands of calls tonight. Everyone wants to talk to friends and family when they’re drunk.”